Childlessness is not a blessing in disguise, and other phrases that make me want to punch you!
Trust me not having a child is not a blessing. If you have them they are going to break your heart. People with children, please stop saying this to people who don't have or could not have children. If you are given the choice today, to have a child or not, you would still choose to have them.
I understand that there is going to be pain, disappointment, and resentment, associated with having kids. But let us keep it real here. If anyone of you insanely imply or say to me that "I am lucky' not to have them, I am going to punch you. Yes, you heard me right.
I’ve had several people say this to me, and it happened again today while having a conversation with some women about having children. One of the ladies were talking about what she going through because one of her children is addicted to drug. It is breaking her heart. I get that. He has always been a troubled boy. Parent often try to control their children behavior. Impossible. Stop doing that. No one has been successful in this. You cannot get a person to do what you want by using threatening words, by manipulating finances, or by using them as pawns. An addict is an addict, you cannot change him. She did the besting for him by putting him in rehab.
During my conversation with this particular person yesterday, she said a few things that resonated with me. One was that she misses her son and she has been calling him often, even thought the counselor told her not to. Really? Well, that is super cute and great, but you do get that call her or him, right? In another breath, she said one of her son who is in college is coming home for the weekend and she is so excited and happy but he has not been returning her messages. So, she is not sure. Wow. Imagine that. But you know if you don't have a child to begin with you don't have anybody to expect to come home, let alone to wait for his phone calls.
She said she hadn’t seen him over two months. Again, shameful. But if you don't have him, you would not have seen him even once. Oh, they forget to call you for your birthday or mother's day? Well, if you don't have them you would not need to worry about them missing your birthday or mother's day. You don't have anyone to call you mom. You are not a mom at all.
I’ve even been told that I’m lucky, because I can do whatever I want to do, go wherever I want to go and can sleep through out the night without being awaken by their cry or because they did not come on time at night. Really? Would you exchange my life with yours?
Would you have chosen to have all those things that you said I have to be childless? I very much doubt it. Actually, if you said yes it would be totally a lie. Trust me no amount of freedom replace the tragedy of not having children. Especially, if you were not given the choice to begin with.
Would you have chosen to have all those things that you said I have to be childless? I very much doubt it. Actually, if you said yes it would be totally a lie. Trust me no amount of freedom replace the tragedy of not having children. Especially, if you were not given the choice to begin with.
How much money would you give to see your kids happy? To undue a tragic event that forever changed their lives in a bad way? If you don’t say “every dime I have,” then you’re a liar. All of you would give all your money, and all your limbs, to undo this in your family. I promise. Trust me that no amount of money serves as consolation for the tragedy of childlessness.
I want to be clear, I am not mad at these people (even though I still want to punch them.) I understand that these words are spoken by people who are hurting. By people who are traumatized by what their children made them go through. The crazy words and feelings are being expressed because going through the disappointments of seeing their children being less than perfect has so negatively impacted them that they just want it to stop. They are so hurt, that the person disappearing altogether seems like a great idea. I get what they’re saying. But compose yourselves, people. Think about what you are saying. Think about to whom you are speaking. The pain of seeing your children go through a rough time is temporary. Those hurt feelings, they won’t last that long. Three years from now, you might not even remember what was you were so upset about – for the most part. You still have your kids to hug, to cuddle, to see them run around, to see them graduate, get married, have kids of their own. But the person who does not have children cannot do that. So, no, I’m sorry to inform you all, but childlessness is not a blessing in disguise, I think it is a curse unless that is what you want to begin with.
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