Love is a choice

These days it is not uncommon to hear people say that they got out of a relationship because they fall out of love with their significant others. That got me thinking 'Is love something we fall in and out of? Is it like flu we catch unexpectedly and it leaves us in a few days, weeks, etc?" I believe love is something we choose and commit to.

The reason why I think love is a choice and a commitment is because it seems the only people with whom we fall out of are our romantic partners. We do not fall out of love with our parents, friends, siblings, family, and children. The reason for that, in my opinion, is commitment. For example, we are committed to love our children, no matter how bad, how obnoxious and spoiled our children are.  I am not saying we don't get upset or even shun them for a little while but we always go back to loving them.  We are willing to look and focus on her/his virtues. Indeed, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. The way we choose to view others is completely within our control.

In the western world, we look at love as a stroke of destiny with no logical reason. Either it happens or it does not. We don't want to work on loving people. Therefore, as easily as we 'fall in love' we can 'fall out of love." In our ignorance, we believe that cupid would lift his arrow and shoots us and bam, we are in love.  

Our love for the person who is in our lives is not based on commitment and effort to reveal the person's virtues. Sometimes, when we are not taking ourselves seriously, if we hear what we are saying, then we would know how empty it sounds. E.g. we would say that I fell in love with this person, but what can I do, the bum shot me. Or, what can I do, I fell out of love with the person. However, if love is not something we choose; it is something we are a victim of. Then, if we want to stay in a relationship all we could hope for is for the bum (Cupid) not to shoot us. If that is the case then, no wonder the divorce rate in our society is 50%.

In case of our children, we don't fall out of love because we know that loving them is not just an accident but a conscious decision. We don't stop loving them just because they annoy us. We accept the obligation to love them regardless of their vices. If we can carry the same kind of commitment in to our relationships, I think we would be better off, because love is a feeling as well as an obligation.

Loving someone is an exquisite but complex coming together of two people, and a dynamic relationship always has some ups and downs. If we take simple misunderstanding, combine it with a little poor communication, then add some emotional baggage from previous relationships, and the romance starts to flounder. A civil conversation can break down because of few careless or caustic remarks. Sometimes the dark cloud would disappear without any effort from us and other times, it would not. In which case, heartache is possible; two people who seemed so perfect for each other see all their hopes and dreams shattered. Yet, if they just make a little effort to reach out and reconnect, everything might be all right.

If what we are looking for is a meaningful, omitted partner then we are going to stay in a relationship highway, and quite going down does-not- call- me- back road, better-than - nothing dead end street, and ain't- much-but-he-is-mine detour

The bottom line is that love requires genuine effort. It requires time, trust, compassion, tenderness, give and take and commitment. Cuddles and kisses go a long way toward making love last, but they are not enough by themselves. Sometimes, we have to get out and push if we want our love to keep going forward. Loving can  be a wonderful feeling, if we take the time to plant the seed of love, nourish it, and wait until it blossom and bear fruit.

As the saying goes "Don't throw the baby with the bath water." Don't leave a beautiful, loving relationship just because things did not work out the way you want it, at the time you want it to happen. .