Dear Mr. Importer,

My dear ex-love Mr. Impostor,

I have mixed feelings about you calling me. However, you seem determined to get some things out of your chest and wanted to clear your consistence. Listening to your questions and request, I had to admit how selfish and clueless you are about the whole thing. At some point, you even made me question my own sanity. Since, I am feeling generous at this time, I will answer your questions.

when we first get together, there was nothing quite as exciting as sitting at my desk, clicking on the screen and seeing your name in my Inbox,  the anticipation was so sweet at times I can hardly stand it. They put smile on my face and warm my heart. I file the email away and go back to reread your previous emails. I am not sure why I did it. I guess, it was because they made me feel happy. Free. Young. My feelings alternate between being giddy with happiness when your wrote back  and riddle with insecurities and doubt when you didn't ( stop interfering, they are my thoughts.)  I felt  like a teenager who had no control over her emotions. Whose emotions and moods can be changed in a heartbeat by external influences. All I thought about from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to bed was you. I found myself often, daydreaming about you; about what you said, write or what you would say or react to certain situations. I knew it was crazy but did not know how to stop it. 

Today, I felt like sharing these thoughts with you. At this point, you might not want to hear it, but sooner or later you would get to this place and when you do these words will guide you. What I am sharing is another lesson about loving you,  showing you that sometimes loving someone includes sacrifice. Sacrifice that not everyone is usually willing to give, or to make. But you needed to know, you could and were still loved, regardless of the pain being caused

We are too old not to know that love is not always feeling happy or excited, elated or that encompassing sense of peace and joy we feel and share within our hearts. Sometimes it is agonizingly painful to truly love someone. It is that willingness to have our hearts torn from us, to watch as they are shredded and then handed back, only to painstakingly put them back together again, handing them right back not knowing if they will be accepted, or shredded once again. But, we keep hoping this this time it would be different, better, etc. We take that risk, because that risk is love and without it, we would not know how the other side of love feels, even though  that feeling might be painful.

I often wondered, if I have taught you how to love and how to accept love graciously?  I hope so. I think you do know now. I think you will know when love finds you again. I think next time, you will give of yourself in the same way I gave myself to you. I do hope, you will not have to experience the painful side of love, for truly it is that. But at least perhaps, you will be stronger, better prepared to face it if and when you ever do.

You asked me if I still love you and if I have regrets about us? My answer is yes to both questions. I think, I still love you but not the same kind of love. What I feel for you now has no substance.  Do I have regrets? Only in that I actually spoke the words to you. I  should never have loved you or I should not have loved you with the same intensity. Had I not, perhaps we would not be where we are now. But then too, you would not have known as I now believe you do now, what it means to truly love someone. At least in that, you are now aware, and will know when it finds you again.