Remove the log from your eyes first.

You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye" Mathew 7:5

While I was waiting to see my doctor, three women were discussing single Parents (women.)  I was not trying to eavesdrop but they were loud enough for all of us to hear them. They were talking about single mothers, these were some of the things they were saying …"I am sick and tired of all these losers (single women) using our money to raise their B..." "I can understand one mistake, but she has three kids. What was she thinking? Well, obviously she was not :D" "I am against pro-choice, I believe, if a woman is old enough to have sex; she is old enough to take responsibility and to raise her child" "My husband and I are working hard but we still could not afford a good day care for our children, yet, these women get to send their kids on our money. They are lazy, no good women who are used to government handouts. They need to get their sorry a… out there and work." "We only have two children because we could not afford to have more, yet, they are having one after another so they can get more money."

These women were not the only ones who said these kind of things, to my shame; I have said some of those things myself. Maybe that was what triggered the righteous anger in me toward these women and to what they were saying. Why are we (women) so judgmental towards other women? Is it because we see ourselves in them and in their action or lack of?  Women are looked down for getting pregnant outside of marriage? Women get blamed for having an abortion? Women get blamed for having a babies alone? What I don't hear is any mention of fathers, where are they? How come I don't hear anyone blame them? The women did not get themselves pregnant.

It seems to me that we are mad at them for being caught pregnant. These days, most of us are sexually active before marriage, so the only thing which separates us from them is that they got caught and we did not. Or, we hid it well from others. We assume that if we are careful (birth control, condom, etc.) the chance of us getting pregnant is slim to none, however, there is always that slim chance of getting pregnant. So, we know the risk when we get in to it, the question is what is the right thing for the woman to do when that happened.

Personally, I think it should be up to the woman to make that decision. I have seen and been with women who chose to terminate their pregnancy and it was not an easy decision. I used to assume that women who were having an abortion not to have any feeling about it, except relief once the deed is done and I was wrong. The women, at least the ones I know, went through a lot before and after the abortion. That was a lesson to me. These are decisions that they have to live with the rest of their life. If you don't think, it causes them physical as well as psychological problem, think again.

On the other hand, those women who decided to have a child alone will not have it easy either. First, they have to deal with the idea of having a child alone; it is a big burden they have to carry alone. Second, they have to deal with family, friends and society in general. Even though, more and more women are having children alone, the stigma of illegitimate children is still there. Third, once they have them, caring for them (financially, emotionally, physically, etc.) is not easy. And, those of us, who are screaming from the side line for them not to have an abortion, would not lift a finger to help them. We don't go out and adapt their kids, we don’t even offer to baby sit, or to cook, or to do little things for them, not even for an hour. God forbid, if they are given special treatment at work to attend to their kids need, we complain.

It should be hard for us to judge without a lot of information, but, it is not, we go ahead and judge without any information. i.e. the single women that we see might be a widow or she might been a divorcee. Maybe, if judgment were suspended a bit more often, our compassion would have overcome or judgment. I understand that the main responsibility for raising children lies with the parents, but as the saying go, it really takes a village to raise a family. 

Instead of us sitting on our pedestal and judging them, let us try to help them. These women are our sisters, daughters, mothers, friends, cousins, neighbors, etc. So, when I listen to the women at the doctor's office, I wanted to solicitous without being intrusive, but the respond I got from was righteous anger. That made it even worst for me; my attempt at controlling my temper did not go well. My brain was not responding properly. I needed to be sharp and politely rude in order to reach their hardened ears/hearts and all I had done was blabber.

The bottom line is, as the Bible tells us, we need to take out the log in our eyes before we try to remove the speck in other people's eyes