Let Us Stop Dodging The Real Issue!

Blaming him or her, saying ‘but’, avoiding taking responsibility for us and for our own happiness is about avoidance. Doing the same sh*t, different week and expecting something different…is dodging.  Dating the same man/woman, different package, and then wondering why it’s not working, is dodging

We being the same persons, with the same self-esteem issues, carrying the same suitcase of emotional baggage, with the same beliefs about ourselves,, love, and relationships, repeating the same patterns, and also expecting that someone who has behaved the same way 1000 times will change on the 1001st time because we think they should and we expect change, is about, yep, we guessed it, averting.

At some point, we have to ask ourselves who died and left us in charge and said that we had all of the solutions to someone else’s problems and what they should do in a relationship when we ourselves have our own issues to deal with!

If we put our hand in the fire sixty times tomorrow, we can be damn sure, we’ll burn it sixty times and do untold damage and it doesn’t matter that each time we put our hand in the fire we said ‘Please Mr. Fire, do what I want and don’t burn me!’  The fire with its nasty heat and flames has its own modus operandi (MO) and presents its consistent danger signals, so putting our hand in the fire is damn foolish. This is what we call relationship insanity!!

We may not know the length and breadth of a man's or a woman's problems within two seconds of talking to him/her or even a couple of dates, but people reveal things about themselves through their actions and their words and when we are around them on a consistent basis, they are actually teaching us what to expect from them, and in turn, how we choose to deal with whatever crap they put our way, not only teaches them what to expect from us, but also what they can and can’t get away with.

We are being told everything that we need to know through actions, signals, and often even words that we are refusing to listen to, or attaching a different meaning.

But if we’re a Responsibility Dodger or a ‘But person’, as long as the problems appear to be all lying at someone else’s door, we don’t have to change.

And ‘appear’ is the key, because at the end of the day, no matter how much we deny the reality of stuff, deep down we know and at some point, we have to take a leap of faith on we and start taking responsibility for our own outcome instead of focusing on and obsessing about dipstick the other person.

Right now it’s all about him or her but what about how we feel? What about what we want, need, think etc? It cannot all be about him or her!

Now we can make a choice and say ‘F*ck it, I like this pain and drama and I’m not ready to be responsible for my own happiness’ and not only is that our prerogative, but it’s also our choice and all we need to remember if we go with this option is that if we are in pain and misery (especially if the relationship is already over), it’s us causing ourselves the pain, not him or her.

Or we can put ourselves in the driving seat, feel the pain, grieve, move on, heal, build your self-esteem and power our own life and feel infinitely better that we are not freefalling through life waiting for some man/woman, any man or woman to pick us up and put us on the right path