Gossip: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me?

The author of the saying “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” Must have either incredible self-esteem or lived in a dream world, because, for most of us, words can hurt. Harmful words can inflict considerable damage on individuals and relationships. This damage, unlike broken bones, doesn’t always heal completely.

We use a lot of different words to describe #gossip. We chat. We yak. We gab, we dish, and we chew the fat. We hear it through the grapevine, listen to the word of mouth - sometimes straight from the horse's mouth. There must be something important about all this idle chit-chat to demand such an extensive and colorful vocabulary, right?! Even though very few people proudly admit to it, we all gossip. Some of us even relish it. While some religions and cultures frown upon the practice, gossip in one form or another happens all over the world among people of all ages.

It is what we call informal communication, networking, and also known as the grapevine or gossip. Gossip, generally speaking, has a negative connotation. But it also goes by the alias “information sharing.” Information sharing aside, there is a significant difference between the types of gossip: speculative gossip versus #malicious gossip. Speculative gossip or constructive querying can be a good and healthy source of information if it is based on facts. These opportunities for dialogue often are where we obtain information in a manner that is shared, hence the term “information sharing.”

For example:

Life in small tribal groups may have forced our ancestors to adapt and gain some pretty sophisticated social intelligence. Imagine living among a small group of people, competing for resources and for friends and allies. Sounds a little like high school, doesn't it? You'd have to figure out who you could trust and who would make a good partner. Among our ancestors, those who survived and thrived were those who could predict and influence the behavior of the people around them. This took a bit of talking and a lot of listening and watching.

Malicious gossip, on the other hand, is spread with the intent of causing turmoil or discrediting certain individuals. We have seen this, time and time again, within our community

Since, gossip, is something we all do so well, one has to wonder if there is some basic human benefit to it. Does gossiping fulfill some need? Is it a survival skill? Is it good for us or bad for us to spread stories and speculations about others? Should we feel guilty if we indulge in it? Gossip hasn't always been considered a bad word. The word gossip first meant godparents or a familiar acquaintance and was used to describe someone who told of a family's news and developments. In Shakespeare's time, a gossip was also someone who sat with a woman through childbirth, perhaps to talk, offer comfort, or to help her pass the time.

Now it's defined as "#rumor, talk of a personal, sensational, intimate nature, idle or talk, especially about the personal or private affairs of others." Someone who fits the stereotypical image of a gossip bears names like busybodies, as nosy and meddlesome. Somewhere down through history, the word's original meaning became tangled up in rumor-spreading and idle talk. And as our communication technologies have sped up, so has the spreading of our gossip. Where word once traveled via word of mouth that may have taken hours or even days to reach its listeners, it now travels in seconds via Facebook, Twitter, blogs, email, cell phone, text messages...

Lately, the manifold value of friendship among all species is a hot topic. Our fist-pump-worthy findings abound: We now know that female baboons that form close bonds with their tribal sisters endure less stress and live longer. Also, lady elephants in Sri Lanka look out for their gal pals when essential resources such as water become scarce. And when a female prairie vole freaks out, a supportive same-sex partner can help her to settle down and relax. New York Timesscience writer Natalie Angier recently noted in an article that these female relationships are a force that “not only binds existing groups together but explains why the animals’ ancestors bothered going herd in the first place.”

Even though informative gossip is good, malicious gossip is distinctive  Even though, we are living in a time, where sharing information/gossiping/ telling secrets--no matter how, when, or to whom--is morally superior to keeping them and that it is automatically healing, my experience is different. My own experience has shown me that sharing/telling secrets in the wrong way or at the wrong time can be remarkably painful--and destructive. So the questions we need to concern ourselves with are: When should I keep information/secret? How do I tell/tell a information/secret without hurting anyone? How do I know the right time? BECAUSE, WORDS DO HURT.