Trepidation of Second-hand love?

"Real life is, to most men, a long #second-best, a perpetual compromise between the ideal and the possible." (Bertrand Russell). 

"Even though I'm second best you're still first with me... #I love you even though I know I'm only second best." (Dolly Parton)

"They tell me that there's someone else you really truly love And even when we kiss that she's the one you're thinking of...I'm a second hand love, a second hand #love." (Connie Francis)

"I know it’s worth it baby even if it’s just second-hand love." Cassadee Pope

"A second hand love....I'd rather have this kind of love, than not see you at all." Connie Francis

"Let us not be too particular; it is better to have old second-hand diamonds than none at all." Mark Twain

In any given situation, it is unpleasant to be considered second best; in romantic relationships it is even more devastating. Even though we know it is hard to attain the ideal, we still find it difficult to consider the second best. Whether we are the one who made the compromise and chose the second best partner or we are the one who is considered to be the second best partner,  we found the situation to be painful and unpleasant.The pain of the chooser stems from voluntarily relinquishing a better alternative, and the pain of the one chosen as second best arises from the humility of being considered as inferior to another. Is there really something wrong with that or is it a matter of perception?

First, let us define what do we mean when we say '#second hand' or 'second best' in romantic relationships. Second hand - implies being previously owned or used; it is not new or original, as it has been received from another. It is associated with a negative normative meaning implying being contaminated or used. It is not merely that you do not get a new brand commodity, but like many other used commodities, it is defective.

Second best - implies being next in quality or importance to the best. The major concern in #second-best love is not being the first in terms of quality; the major concern in second-hand love is not being first in the secular sense. The wish to have sex with promiscuous person, while the wish to have sex with a virgin expresses the second concern.

In romantic realm, it is often assumed there is a positive correlation between the two senses, e.g. being  secular second is often taken to imply being second best. However this assumption is questionable, infact, the correlation might have the opposite effect. Someone who has experienced a committed relationship may be better equipped to participate in a more flourishing relationship the next time. At the same time, a #sexually inexperienced #virgin may not be the best sexual partner, while a second-hand lover may be so. 

A second-best love can refer either to having a second-best lover, or being a second best-beloved. The same holds for a second-hand love: it can refer to having a second-hand lover or being regarded by your lover as a second-hand love. In both cases, being a second best or a second hand love is more painful than having a second best or a second hand lover. It is easier to make #compromise than to feel that you are treated as a compromise. The former is accompanied by the feelings of frustration due to missing something that you do not have; the latter is associated with the feelings of inferiority and humiliation.

One may wonder what is so unpleasant in being second best; after all, being the second best in the world is surely a tremendous achievement. However, the problematic nature of being second best is enhanced by the fact that in many circumstances, we live in a winner-take-all society. In so many circumstances, one person takes the bulk of or the entire "#prize," while the rest are left with little if anything at all.This is particularly so in our society where in many circumstances the winner takes all.

As it is expressed in the following song by Abba: "The #winner takes it all, the loser has to fall, it's simple and it's plain." In romantic love, being second best is typically perceived not as being very close to the desired ideal, but as being the loser-the one who is a replacement or substitute for someone else in an actual or imaginary precious relationship. Accordingly, the second best in love is perceived as second best or substitute love: Love that is not at the center of the beloved's heart.

First love has its own intense excitement, which may be remembered for a long time. But last love may express greater profundity. It is easy to be exciting when you are the first lover, but such excitement may stem from being first and novel and not from romantic profundity. Being the last may involve profound satisfaction. Although you and your partner may have the attitude of "been there, done that," which often expresses a measure of boredom or complacency, you are still in love.

As it is expressed in the following son by The Drifters “You can dance every dance with the guy who gives you the eye... But don't forget who's taking you home. And in whose arms you're gonna be, So darlin' Save the last dance for me, mmm.” The Drifters. The person allows his or her partner to have his or her personal space by dancing  “with the guy who gives you the eye,” providing he/she remembers who will be taking him/her home and for whom he/she should save the last dance.

The good #Lord has blessed us with a heart that is #flexible and big enough to accommodate several people at the same time. So, let us enjoy love in whatever package it comes in.