Creative Personnel Ad for her

JOB DESCRIPTION: Long-term team player sought for position of friend/companion. Use your superior communication and social skills to build a serious long-term relationship. Must be willing to work evenings and weekends. Some overnight travel may eventually be required including trips to visit relatives, occasional evaluations of bed and breakfast and other inns, environmental studies in national parks, and observation of foreign cultures.

RESPONSIBILITIES: This position calls for attendance at many long dinner meetings in fine restaurants. A hug and a kiss will be required after successful completion of such meetings where all objectives are clearly met. In addition, you must be prepared to hold hands everywhere. Long hours spent cuddling will be encouraged once you show competence in other areas of responsibility (especially the long dinners). You may be asked to discuss issues affecting our community locally, nationally, and internationally. An occasional game with groups of friends may also be required. Occasional attendance of Church service and fellowship is required.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: None required. You will find that no previous experience will prepare you for this position. Enthusiasm for on-the-job training is a must. In addition, success in this position will require being serious only when absolutely necessary. It may help if you are a Democrat. The presence of children or future plans for them is not required, but will be considered a plus.

COMPENSATION: This is a volunteer position and includes no direct payment. In fact you may find there is nowhere near as much tea in China as you thought. Occasional gifts associated with certain recurring dates or events are included, but the exact time of distribution of such gifts will not be revealed in advance. This will start out as a temporary position, but should be approached with the potential to move into a permanent position as a desirable alternative.

BENEFITS: A tremendous benefits package is included. This includes homemade gourmet meals prepared exactly to your tastes, fresh picked roses from a beautiful formal rose and flower garden, among many other delights.

MISCELLANEOUS: This person is actively involved in her community and loves children of all ages. Kids rave about her macaroni with butter on the side.  If you like to see things from a different perspective, this is your woman. She has been observed yelling at people for treating their family, friends and pets badly. She has an exceptional dust collection which she keeps in unusual places such as the tops of picture frames. She enjoys long solitary walks, reading, and cuddling. She likes history and will tour anything old. She also likes Arts and crafts. She does not always follow the rules exactly.