The Love Of My Love, The Apple Of My Life...

Dearest love,

The echo's of my love for you cannot be contained inside of me any more. You are the love of my life, the apple of my eyes... 

You and I are forever, you know that? I want to share the rest of my life with you and I know you feel the same. Together we will decide the best way to do that.

You make me feel things that I have never felt before - I did not even know this kind of feeling exist. Because of you I’m not afraid to be me, to be the person I was always meant to be. You could not have given me a greater gift than this.  The greatest #gifts are those given from the heart. You have all my love, you always have. And what you do to me love…you confuse me, you torment me, you tease me, you make me laugh, you make me cry but most of all - you make me #love you more. I did not think it was possible, to love you more, but apparently, I was wrong - I know, I am shocked too :)  I made my life tolerable. You make me believe that anything and everything is possible.

I’m sitting here but my thoughts are miles away. To wherever you are this evening. Wishing so much I could touch your face, your hair, that beautiful smile,  Just to run my fingers down the side of your face would be heaven to me. Just to look in your eyes and see what I’ve been #waiting to see. Just to let you look in my eyes and see my soul as I know you’ve been waiting to do. It’s there in my eyes. The truth of everything I’ve wanted to say to you for years. The truth of my feelings for you. More than mere words can express. I love you is not enough for what you do to me.

I am no longer afraid of loving you or afraid of this #bond between us. Nor do I doubt your motives any more. Ah, you didn’t know that did you. I wasn’t sure for a long time that you wouldn’t hurt me like all the other people in my life that I have cared about. I know, sooner or later you would hurt me, but it would not be on purpose. I trust you and that is saying a lot to me. My love, you are a mystery to me and yet I feel as if I know you well. (making that kind of assumption might be dangerous for me.)

Sometimes, if I think about it too much, I want to turn away and run from you. Yet, when I stand before you, all I feel is trust, vulnerability, and love. Your love or my love is holding us together and I would not know hot to break the bond even if I want too. The funny part is, whatever you are doing to hold me to you, it does not make me feel trapped or caged. Only #safe and #loved. How can you understand me so well when you have never met me? How can you know the right thing to do when I have never told you? How can I know you love me, when you have never said a word?

I always end up walking into your arms. You always end up making me smile. You keep me balanced, you keep me centred and when I find (see) myself walking into your arms, I know that I trust  you with my life. And I am reminded again that I will always be safe with you.

And I know that after we meet that words will not always be necessary for you and I to communicate. Because of what we share. No matter how many people there are around us making it impossible for us to talk, you and I will communicate with looks, with touches and with our hearts. If you do not feel me now I have no doubt that there will come a day that you will. And once you know where to find it, what it feels like, you will never forget. I know when I meet you. I only have to look in your eyes to know how you are. But when I am not with you, in your absence, it will always be there to tell me how you are. Does that make you feel safe or does that scare you? I’ll always know when you need me because of that.

I know, our love would keep growing and getting stronger in spite of how badly we were both screwing it up, both of us with baggage from our pasts to help confuse what was happening. I once read something to this effect 'we all have baggage from our previous relationship, the question is would we help each other unpack it.'  We still have and probably always will have baggage that will cause us problems. We will work through them because we both know how much we mean to each other. Even though you have never said a word directly to me, your actions have finally convinced me that you do care about me. I know I had been seeing it and feeling it in my heart, but I needed to see it from you before I could accept that it was true.

I am grateful to God for finally finding someone who would love me without condition and reservation - I was on the verge of giving up too. Now, not a day goes by without me me thanking Him for leading us to each other, for helping us through this. At times, I thought this day will never come but here it is.

Have I said enough? I find I could write on and on when it comes to you. But tomorrow is fast approaching and that means, I am getting one day closer to meeting you. Hopefully, when the time comes, I will not be this intense.(Tongue in the cheek)

You are my friend, but so much more than that to me. But when I think of you as my friend whom I can always trust, I find I can talk to you much more easily than when I think of all those feeling between us still waiting to be explored and discovered. When I think of you as my forever friend, I don’t worry about what will happen between us. I just know because you are my friend that I will always be there for you that you will always be there for me.

We have to be friends before we can be anything else to each other. Wouldn’t you agree? That is the next step so if my words earlier today left you somewhat confused as to my intentions, I hope this clarifies the confusion in your mind.

After all these years do you really think we’re going to rush into anything? I’m not and I know you’re not either. But having said that I might also add that I don’t believe it will take us another twenty years to decide what we want to do here. Do you? Nah, no way! As if both of us don’t already have the same idea.
But this first meeting is as friends. Getting to know each other. To laugh together, to have fun together whether we spend the whole time just talking to each other! Before the intensity of our feelings has us doing something we’re not ready for. Not that we both don’t want that (and you know what I mean) but that will not be the right time for it. Trust me on that one. Yes I’m sure we will dance all around it, we will both tease and make innuendoes but we won’t be ready for that level. I also know you will read this and disagree immediately. It’s all right, you’re a male, I expect that from you! You just be you and I promise to just be me. No airs, no wondering what the other will think - just be ourselves. That’s what brought us together in the first place, isn’t it?

When the time comes for us to meet, I don’t see us wanting to share this time with anyone. We’ve waited too long to get to this moment. But then one never knows what will happen, at least, not where we are concerned.

I never knew what real happiness was until I found you. Never knew it was possible to feel this way, to wake up every morning and #smile because I #love you, because knowing you have brought me a #serenity that I never dreamed was possible. Knowing that if I can feel this way and not be with you what I feel must be real and how much I have to look forward to when we do meet.

Here are my thoughts, my feelings  as we get ready to do this. I hope they are to your likings. 

With much love,
The one who is waiting to love you.