A Word Can Kill Or Heal - Use It Sparingly.

I was at a cocktail party the other day and was talking to one of my colleagues when his wife approaches us. After the introduction, he continues to tell me about a new project he is working on and he was excited and passionate about it, I express my admiration for his passion and told him I cannot wait to see the end product. All of a sudden, his #wife start to giggle and her giggle changed to a loud laugh. The more he tried to lead her out of the room the louder she got. Then she turned to me and said ‘No wonder he is messed up working with people like you who hand on his every word. Lady, if you did not know by now, let me tell you…he is a loser. He would not find his head if it was not attached to his neck, let alone start and finish a project.

I have known this man for many years and have worked with him a couple of times. He is a capable and competent employee and it made me wonder why his wife was #disrespecting him, why she was putting him down in front of his peers?

This is not the first time I heard women put their men down and men put their women. These men and women are our #loved ones, they need our love and support, not our disrespect and wrath. We should be able to see the good in our #partners and our loved ones if we can who can? Even when they themselves don’t see it, when they are down in their luck, when they feel vulnerable, it should be us who lifts them up.

Goeth said ‘Treat a man as he appears to be, and you make him worse. But treat him as if he was what he potentially could be, and you make him what he should be.’ This is true. When people see the good in us, we strive to be that person. And it seems, when we #expect the worst in people, they will give it to us.

Many years ago a woman told me that she attended a motivational conference and after the conference, she went to talk to the speaker regarding a problem she has with her husband. She said her husband is a very nice and kind man but he has a short temper and he shows his temper by raising his voice on people. After hearing this, the speaker told her the next time her husband loses his temper she should say to him ‘#Honey, it is not like you to lose your temper? What is wrong?’ After looking at the speaker as if she lost her mind, she said to her ‘but that is like him. Have not you been listening to me?” The speaker just smiled and told her to try it.

As soon as she got home, she started practicing this. One day, they went to a restaurant and the waitress kept them waiting for half an hour without coming to their table. Both of us were upset but then I start to dread what kind of commotion my husband is going to make. I suggested for us to leave but he would not hear about it. When the waitress actually came to our table, I covered my face with my hands and prepare myself for his scream, just then my husband turned to me and #sweetly whispered ‘it is not like me to lose my temper honey, relax. “

In other words, she helped her #husband change his bad habits by being nice and by expecting the best from him. By being positive and by seeing the potential in them, we can make them achieve goals that they themselves did not even know they can.

Here is another example of it:

Ben Carson, who was a director of Pediatric Neurosurgery at John Hopkins Medical Institution and author of ‘Think Big,” came from a poor neighborhood and did not do well in school, but he succeeded in becoming the world’s greatest Pediatric Neurosurgeon.

Once a reporter asked him ‘What made you into the person you are today?’ he answered ‘My #mother. When I was last in my class and was bullied for being black, my mother did not fail to give me #encouragement and support, she said ‘Ben, you can be anything you put your mind to. If you try you can be anything.

In the Talmud, there is this story. A king summoned two of his servants and told one to find ‘the evilest thing’ in the world and told the second one to find him ‘the good thing’ that surpasses any good in the world. Sometimes passed and the two servants came back to him with their answers. They both responded ‘it is the tongue.’ The #tongue can heal or kill.