I Am Your Friend, Not A Doormat.

A doormat is a person who bends over backwards and forward to please the people in his or her life.  A person who will do whatever it takes to try to make the people in his or her happy, no matter how badly he or she treats her or him. To admit to myself that I have been a doormat for so long is bad enough, but to admit is publicly is humiliating – but it is a time of truth.

Recently, I have been unhappy with the way how one of my friends has been treating me. In the past, I would have let it go by saying it has nothing to do with me; it has something to do with his life. However, this time I could not le it go. This particular friend’s behavior made me look back my other friends from the past who treated me with disrespect.

For the life of me, I could not understand why I let them treat me that way and why I am continuing to let him treat me this way?  Love, care, tolerance, patience, etc. are a good thing to have in a relationship but if doing so cost me my self-respect, and then it has to stop.

If I let someone I care about devaluing me, disrespect me and take me for granted, there is a high possibility that I am doing the same thing to myself. And if that is the case, it means I honestly believe that I don’t deserve to be treated with respect and that I don’t believe I am worthy of kindness and compassion.

How I respond to someone’s manner towards me let them know what is acceptable and not acceptable. If I roll over and take whatever he gives me, the message I am sending to him is clear that I am ok with it. If that is the case, then there is no reason for him to change their behavior, is there? And if I lay under his feet for him to walk all over me, then I have no right to complain when he does.

What I have been asking myself the last couple of hours is why did I chose (intentionally or unintentionally) to be his doormat? Is it because I am people pleasure in general? Is it because I was afraid if I don’t roll over and let him walk all over me, he would not stick around? Or, is it because I want to be selfless and put his feeling before mine?  I am not sure yet, what my reasons are, but two things I know for sure is this. One, this behavior has to stop. Two, it is selfish, not selfless to act this way.

I am not willing anymore to stick my head in the sand expect things to fix themselves. I refuse to lower my expectation so low as to let others to treat me as a doormat is crazy. I know I have to take responsibility and the change has to start with me. He might be blamed in part but the one who is responsible for being ill treated is ME I have to expect the same amount of respect and courtesy from my friends, however, if they are not willing, then I have to let them go.

I am a friend, an equal, not a doormat.

My Life in 5 Chapters

Chapter I

I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I fall in

I am lost . . . I am helpless

It isn’t my fault.

It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter II

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I don’t see it.

I fall in again.

I can’t believe I am in the same place.

But, it isn’t my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter III

I walk down the same street

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it is there.

I still fall in . . . it’s a habit.

My eyes are open.

I know where I am.

It is my fault.

I get out immediately.

Chapter IV

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

Chapter V

I walk down another street