I want you to love me.

The best way to get the love we want is to ask for it, yet, this process of opening is one of vulnerability and therefore scary, it is also the very experience that allows us to develop an exquisite closeness with the people we love.  I know it is catch 22! However, if we get the courage to express our need and ask for what we want, I am convinced; the odds would be on our side.

Our loved ones are not mind readers; they cannot give us something that they don't know we need. So, if we have to receive love, we have to ask for it. Communicating what please and displease us is our responsibility, however, in order to do that, first we need to know what it is that we want or don't want. We need to know what love consists of for us. Just holding a vague hope that we would get loved is not enough. Our experiencing of love is very specific. We feel loved one we receive exactly the kind of love that speaks to us. Let us say what makes you feel loved is physical intimacy and what make me feel loved are flowers. Unless we tell each other what is in our heart, we will not be able to stay long together. Even if we do, we would end up resenting each other.   

So, today, let us try to find out what we mean when we tell our beloved 'I need your love.' Do we want them to like us, to' love' us, to think we are great, to find us better than others, to find us cute, to say we are lovely, to say we are wise, do we want them to think we are sexy, do we want them think that we are young and/or mature, do we want them to say we are beautiful, do we want them to give us their approval, do we want them to bring us flowers, gifts, do we want them to introducing us to their friends, family, do we want them to appreciate us, to hold us, to express their affection in a physical way, do we want them to search for us, do we want them to open the car door for us, do we want them to hold our hands in public, do we want them to tell us we are wonderful, do we want them think we are sensual, witty, articulate  strong, vulnerable, funny, do we want them to be consistent, loyal, trustworthy, keep their words, patience, do we want them to have an impact in our lives, do we want them to give up a bad habit for us, do we want them to encourage us one way or the other, do we want them to share their daily lives with us, etc 

Of course, once they tell us what they want from us to make them feel loved; we need to reciprocate. Every relationship requires certain amount of reconfiguring to conform to or complement the needs, desires, and circumstances of our beloved. We might not like to do this and we might become resentful when we are forced to do it, the truth is if we cherish the relationship, we have to. One of the best ways of loving one another is compromise. The very fact that we are willing to compromise and set aside our preferences to do what he or she wants instead is one of the best ways of loving one another. So indulge one another, this is loving, not losing.

By the way, nothing in life is as important as the love we need, feel, give, and receive. No accomplishment can ever match it. No tragedy ever displaces it; no adventure however grand or captivating, will ever equal its immense power in our lives. Love is bigger than sorrow, and longer than time. Love is larger than life. So, don't let insecurity or pride or any other thing for that matter stop you from expressing it or from asking for it. 

Happy loving!