The original 'goodbye' is 'God be with you."

Jesse was the constant in my family of choice. Every person has such a family, a network of friends who can be more replenishing than kin, and whose presence in his or her life attests to years of devotion. He was a friend I though would grow old with me. He kept me going with one guess-what phone calls or soul-baring confidence at a time.
Many years ago he was diagnosed with a stomach tumour. I trusted that he'd have a remission, and then another after that (isn't cancer a chronic illness these days?). I thought of all the friends who showered him with support-who ran errands, cooked dinner and sent enough notes to fill a stationery shop. If love could sustain him, he would live. he died in a few months. The day he died, I wanted to beat my fists bloody against the locked iron door of our shared lives. I don't mean to second guess God, but I could not help asking how could it be that spiteful, treacherous people were still going about their business while he who had countless friends and not one enemy, was cut down in his prime?  It seemed outrageous that the world should go on without him in it, my loving steadfast friend.
At the coffee shop, at work or anywhere else, people go around their business as if nothing happened. They asked the usual question: how's it going? When I blurt out the truth, they said "I am sorry." I want to say "sorry" doesn't cut it.  I know it is not fair but I want them, I want the whole world to recognize someone wonderful is gone from the world. The world is not the same as it was yesterday. I want them to  feel the loss and the pain I was feeling. Unreasonable? Yes.
I used to call his old number at work, anxious to hear his beautiful voice on the voice-mail  How many times had I called that number to talk, to laugh, to set up a date. We always argue, that was our M.O. I replayed those conversations in my head and laugh, then cry while the telephone  rang and rang. At last a message would come to inform me "The person at this extension is not available to take your call." Not available, as if he just stepped out of his office for a cup of coffee. I always find it hard to believe that, a rational being like me would place a call to someone who is dead. There are days, when I feel as if I am losing my mind.
It suddenly struck me, with a pang of regret, that I don't have a single photo of us or just him. That is what happened when you don't like taking pictures. Even though I don't have his picture, I see his image everywhere. I hold on to these moments, although they make me sad. If I could forget my friend, he would not have been a special friend that he was. Now, memories are all I have of him.
I want to inscribe each memories in my brain, I don't want to forget any part of it. His kindness, his love, his humour  his laugh, his compassion, every one of his good deeds are coming back to me now, as if they happened this morning. Many times when my life was not going right, I will get unexpected visit, or receive flowers or a book. Their significant stayed with me till this day. They ground me. Even though my world as I know it with him is altered, it is not broken or shattered.
The part of me that laughed with him still listens for his voice and laughs knowing what he would have said if he was with me.
It took me many years to get to the place where I am now. I thought about Jesse because another friend is going through what I went through. He has to say goodbye to the person he loves deeply soon. I know how devastating this place is. My heart goes out to him and his family. It seems we are not made for goodbyes. I heard the original of 'goodbye' is 'God be with you.' I find that more comforting. It sickness and saddens me to think of what he and his family are going through and what is waiting for them at the end. I feel helpless. I thought I was immune to this kind of grief that empties the mind of everything except longing, I was wrong.
When I mentioned this someone said to me, grow up this what life is and you have to stop bleeding with everyone. I find that very cold but then he has never experienced what it feels like to be in that place. I left him with these words of John Donne
"No man is an Island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the Continent, a part of the main; if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friends or of thine own were; any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankind; And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; It tolls for thee."
John Donne, Meditation XVII
Please pray for my friend and his family. Thank you.