You're in the wrong lane, if every car is coming your way.

In the song 'Same Script Different Cast?' the 'ex' is telling the new girlfriend that whatever he is telling her now is not true, he has said it before to all his ex's. She is telling her that he is playing the same script with different casts, the part she is playing now has been played by so many women. However, the new girlfriend refuse to believe her. She chose to believe that she is special and this time it would be different. In life, we all do the same thing. We repeat our mistakes again and again. We are the only recurring character in our drama called life. However, instead of kicking ourselves for our past mistakes and we should look deep in to our hearts to see what is causing us all these pains.
As much as we want to change others to our likings, it is impossible. The only person who we have any  control of, true accountability and responsibility for, plus the ability to change, is ourselves. No knight in shining armour is going to come and rescue us from bad relationship choices that we had made or would made in the future. Even if he or she comes along, most of us would not recognize it because we have been programmed to expect good relationships to come in to our lives accompanied with drama.
The reason why we find ourselves repeatedly in this kind of frustrated relationship is no accident; it is something we chose to be in. These people don't just find us accidentally - there is something in our behaviour and attitude which accommodates them. You know the saying "'If every car is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane!" Often, we are busy blaming others for what went  wrong in our relationships, rather than take responsibility for our parts in it. Granted, there are a lot of jerks in the world, but if we are getting more than our share of them, it means we are sending out the wrong kind of signals.
If we want to  have healthier relationships with ourselves and with others, we need to make real change. However, real change comes only through self change. Personal happiness is achieved only when  we take irresponsibility for our actions and decisions. Making behavioural change is not easy but if we want it and we are willing to work for it, then it can be achieved.
Everyday, we are bombarded by society, family, friends and media about every insecurity we should have, as if we don't have enough of our own. But, if we are ready to get real with ourselves then we can stop subscribing to this nonsense  We don't need anyone to complete us, but they can enhance and enrich our experience. However, if we insist on waiting for someone to come along and make our lives better, we would end up being frustrated and disappointed, even if we meet them.
We need to let go of the belief that it is better to be in relationship than the alternative. We need to stop believing poor  and abusive relationships are better than not having anyone at all. Happiness is evading us because we usually do not put ourselves in the situation.
So, what should we do? When things are not going well in our relationships - romantic, friendship, or business - we should ask ourselves if there is anything we could have done differently and what was our part in it ?
So, here are some of the lessons that I have learned from my mistake so far, I hope you learn something from it.
Married people, attached people only get to play around because there is someone stupid enough to accommodate them. If our goal is to have a committed relationship  then we need to stay away from married or attached people.
It’s very easy for us to act the martyr, but think about the things that we say and do which let her or him know in no uncertain terms that she or he doesn't actually have to be different because she or he knows that we’re insecure enough to stay with her or him regardless.
Let us stop listening to lies, excuses, insecurities and start listening to our intuition.
We cannot make sound relationship choices out of unhappiness and desperation. We need to deal with our insecurities and disillusionment, before we make bond with another.
We need to know how to recognize a good thing when we have it and trust in it rather than project our insecurities on them. Let us not punish the good people who are coming into our lives because of the bad choices we made in the past.
When we are in a good relationship, we should  only judge them based on their action,  not on every other person we have been with in the past. We need to learn from our past mistakes and move on with confidence, that the next time we would know better. Next time, we would open our eyes and  we would know how to read the signs better.
Last but not least, we need to trust ourselves better. We need to treat ourselves well, if we want someone else to treat us right. Many years ago one woman reminded me that the Bible says 'Love your neighbour  as you love yourself." She is right. If we cannot love and respect ourselves, how can we expect for others to love and respect us?