Boundaries - Why we need them.

Boundaries - Why we need them.

I have boundary issues with men and women. Actually, that is not right, in order to have boundary issues, first you have to have boundaries and I never had one. When I care about a person, I disappear into them.  When I love, I want to be everything to the person, an impossible task if you ask me! I want to protect him from his own insecurities. I will project upon him all sorts of good qualities that he has never cultivated in himself. I will try to give him all this and more until I get so exhausted and depleted that the only way I can recover my energy is by becoming infatuated with someone else. This is how it's always been. I am not proud to admit it. Without boundaries, everything is open to interpretation and it is subjective.

It would have been great if there are some kinds of danger signs - orange cons with yellow tapes to protect us and to let us know that danger is ahead we should go with caution. These are no-go zones, where we would fall, get hurt or the very least put us at risk.

Wouldn't it be great if these barriers just appeared for us, unbidden, around the things that could potentially cause us emotional or physical harm? Let us face it, some of the biggest dangers to our emotional well-being come from people we either love or have a long history with (including ourselves,) or belongings we very much want to possess. Many of us have close friends or family members, though we love them, when we engage with them in the wrong way, we ended up being getting hurt and frustrated.

The easiest way would be to cut these people out of our lives permanently, but in real life that happens rarely. Our close friends and family members are difficult to detach from our lives totally. Sooner or later, either they would come back to us or we would go to them.

The best way is to set boundaries. Just like those little lines of tape that keep us safe from danger, i.e. physical boundaries and emotional boundaries prevent us from getting so close we get hurt.