You have a trusted friends? Treasure them.

I once had a conversation with a waiter in a coffee shop about friends and I was shocked to find out that he has no friends. Our conversation went like this;

Me: how come you don't have friends?

Ibrahim: I am from Egypt.

Me: What do you mean you are from Egypt? Egyptian is not allowed to have friends?

Ibrahim: No, I mean, I had friends in Egypt but not in this country.

Me: how long have you been here?

Ibrahim: Nine years

Me. You have been here for nine years and you did not make a single friend?

Ibrahim: Well, yeah! (And walked away.)

I still don't know what his reason is for not having a friend but since then I have learned there are many people who don't have friends – they might have acquaintances but not real friends. I cannot imagine life without my friends. I love my friends, especially my girlfriends.

My #girlfriends know me better than anyone (sometimes, I think they know me better than I know myself) They are not only essential for coping with my day to day frustration or sharing private jokes, they help me limp through crisis, and in the long run, help me grow as a woman as well as a human being. My girlfriends say much about who I am – where I am in my life, what aspect of myself I value and what I am trying to develop. Over the years, I had a lot of women friends whom I valued very much and was close to at certain point, some are still with me and some are not.

What I have learned over the years is that few friends become more than friends. An interesting paradox arises when we describe our friends. Often wishing to illustrate the seriousness of the friendship or the closeness we feel toward a friend, we use phrases like 'she is like my sister' or 'my friends are my family.' Yet, many of us would not share the details of our inner lives with our families the way we do with our best girlfriends.

I grew up in a culture where every neighbor and friend of the family being referred a family. I never knew who actually blood relation was and who was not – I am still finding out! I used to argue with my parent and grandparent that it would not make any difference to me if the person is a family or a friend, for me to love them.  My love does not depend on whether they are family or not.  But as I grew older, I realized that that reference is for others, not for me.  

It seems to me there is still sacredness about family #relationships. For most of us, kinship falls into the realm of sacred, friendship into the arena of the secular. There is a mystique about kin relations, a sense of awe about them, a belief that these relationships, although not necessarily the people themselves, transcend ordinary consideration and every day feeling. Some of us resolve this seeming contradiction by making our friends, our family. "Family" seems to connote a higher level of commitment and an ability to give much as well as expect much. With family we expect unconditional acceptance. However, that does not happen very often. If we say our friends are like our family, we mean we share the highest level of commitment to and accept of each other; even if our families do not, in reality, meet our needs and expectations.

So, with that in mind, I refer to my best friends as my #sisters. One of them have been hounding me for calling her a friend instead of a cousin J How does being a cousin is different? With a friend, if the relationship experience major problem, I can just end it, I can walk out. I can leave it behind. But, with cousins, it is different because they are blood; we are always going to have that connection. My friends and I have been together for many years and they have been enormous factor in my life because of everything that happened in our lives. We value each other.

The best thing about girlfriends is I can be whoever I am with them and thy will accept me. No persona required, I can be cranky or perky and both maybe annoying – with greasy hair and sweater two sizes too small that is covered with ugly little balls. It really does not matter to my close friends what I look like or what mood I am in. But it is not only about my appearance, it is about my heart - with my girlfriends I can peal off many layers of my personalities. This process is intimate and, I believe, sacred.

Of course, it is entirely up to me the degree to which I peel back layers of my personality when I disclose myself to them. I can keep them on the surface, or I can allow them to penetrate by degrees or directly to the core. Yet, to this selected friends, I chose to let them in to the chamber of my heart and I am happy to say they have never disappointed me.

Anyone who has shown that willingness to expose their dark secret or greatest fears to another person understands the t#reasure of a #trusted person. So if you have someone like that, do whatever you can to keep it. If you don't, I hope you would have soon. Because in my opinion, that is the greatest gift in the world.

"The shared memories brought smiles, laughter, a few tears, and at last, a sense of contentment. For slowly, from our treasured memories a kindred bond began to emerge.

That is what it is with people sometimes. When you least expect it, a common thread – golden, at that – begins to weave together the fabric of #friendship."

Mary Kay Shanley