Trust: A choice or a command?

I was certain that God would come through.  We prayed, cried, read the Word and chose to believe that He would make a way where there seemed to be no way.  Surely, God would not ask me to give up my #precious #dream.

I had so much hope, so much faith to believe that God would provide a way for me to keep my dream alive. I remember how after all that happened I was still in a state of shock and disbelief.  Oh yes, I said that I trusted that God knew what was best.  I wanted so deeply to believe that He saw beyond my current circumstances to the day when I could stand on my feet once again, financially, emotionally, spiritually and physically secure.

But deep down inside, I was #crushed.  I did not understand.  I wanted to run and hide under a rock and never come out.  I had failed God, failed myself and others.   No matter how hard I tried, no matter how much I wanted to cling to #hope and not despair, I was #angry, upset and disappointed.

What happened when God failed me? What does one do when the path of trust meets the road of #disappointment?  If God is for us, and not against us, wouldn't it be true then that His ways are higher than ours, and that we ought to know and believe that He has our best interests at heart?  The very God of the universe, who knows the beginning from the end, He writes my story.  I read His Word and say “YES” in my Spirit.  But what happens when my heart is crushed and I feel nothing but #heartache, loss and am faced with the grave reality that what I was holding onto wasn't mine to keep?

I've been on this #journey now for many years. Out of despair and #desperation, I have nothing left but to choose to trust. I have lost a lot, but #God has proven himself faithful time and time again.  So many things got lost and were destroyed but I cannot tell you the miracles of provision that have met me each day, time and time again.  It is easy for me to “#trust in the Lord” when things are going my way.  But pull the rug out from underneath me, and God has an opportunity to shine His light on the grave condition of my own heart.

I am broken.  I am weary.  I do not understand. But He brings wholeness, refreshing and opens my eyes to see His goodness. I feel like a failure, unworthy of His love. But I choose to believe that His redemption is for me.

On my journey I have been faced with the realization that God doesn't give us a choice to trust Him.  He simply said to “trust”.  It’s a command. It means that no matter what, I will choose to put my unwavering faith and hope in a God who will never disappointment me, even when my heart tells me otherwise. It means that I will choose to believe that God is good, no matter what circumstances I may face. It means that I will cling to the promise that I have a hope and a future, one of prosperity and not of harm.

God says to trust Him.  My response must be one of obedience, lest I fall into despair.