Three things that feel like love but are really very far from it.

Lust
You know the feeling… that unexplainable and often sudden physical draw to another person that hits you like a ton of bricks within moments of meeting. This is the feeling that is all too often mistaken for “love at first sight” but that is really nothing more than an intense physical attraction. When we fall in lust we often think we’re in love for three reasons...

Obsession
Obsessive feelings are often mistaken for love because people rationalize that, “It must be love if I can’t think of anyone else.” Obsession is similar to lust but it is much more misleading and destructive. While lust is often fleeting, fading as two people come to know each other better, obsession sticks around once people have seen each other flaws and all. In fact, obsession can be made worse with time while lust always fades. Love can grow out of lust but obsession kills love every time... 

Rebounding
Everybody has heard of the rebound fling. This is a relationship that comes very quickly on the heels of another relationship ending. Rebounds are rarely based on love but are really a way of alleviating the loneliness people feel when a relationship ends. Even people who wanted their previous relationship to end can fall for the rebound phenomenon. Rebounding can feel like love for the simple reason that the people involved want to be in love... 

Rebounding

Rebound fling is a relationship that comes very quickly on the heels of another relationship ending. Rebounds are rarely based on love but are really a way of alleviating the loneliness we feel when a relationship ends. Even when we want our previous relationship to end we can fall for the rebound phenomenon. Rebounding may feel like love to us because we want to be in love. We are used to being in a relationship and feeling in love and more than anything else we want to feel those things again. We convince ourselves that we are in love when in reality we are really missing the relationship we left behind. This doesn’t necessarily mean that we want our old partner back; it just means that we want to be in a relationship with somebody… and in a rebound phase that somebody could be anybody.

Rebounding is shady because usually one of the people involved has genuine feelings for the other and this person ends up getting hurt when the rebounder comes to their senses. We can never be open to a new love when a part of us is pining for one that has been lost. Rebound relationships are really just emotional band-aids for the old love – the wound not be able to heal until it is given the appropriate time and care.

So, how can we tell when enough time has passed between the end of one relationship and the beginning of another? How can we protect ourselves and others from a rebound-based relationship? The answers are complex. There is no proven amount of time needed to move on from a relationship and for this reason it’s hard to say how one can protect themselves and their heart from a rebound. However there are some very clear signs that we (or our new mate as the case may be) aren’t quite over a lost love.

·        If the old relationship keeps coming up, or keeps interfering with the progress of a new relationship, then chances are good that we are stuck in a rebound.

·        If the rebounder keeps rehashing problems from the past relationship within the new relationship this is a clear sign that we haven’t moved on enough to fall in love again.

·        If there are unresolved issues from the old relationship chances are very good that the new relationship is a rebound. If we feel as if the old relationship is a third party in our relationship then ours is not a relationship that is based on love.

We can’t find new love when we are harboring feelings for an old love or when we are longing to be in a relationship with our ex. Love can’t be forced at will, it must be found, and that can only happen for real when our hearts and minds are free.

Obsession

Obsessive feelings are often mistaken for love because people rationalize that, “It must be love if I can’t think of anyone else.” Obsession is similar to lust but it is much more misleading and destructive. While lust is often fleeting, fading as two people come to know each other better, obsession sticks around even after we have seen each other flaws. In time, lust fades away while obsession can be made worse. Love can grow out of lust but obsession kills it.  The more time and effort invested in an unhealthy obsession based relationship the more intense the obsession can become and the more damage it is.  People in an obsessed state have a one-track mind where the other person is concerned to the point where they often lose touch with reality. We lose our individual self.

This loss of individuality creates a vicious circle of behavior where the obsessed person grows more and more dependant on the other person and on the relationship in general. Even so called unrequited love can become an overwhelming obsession. This is where obsession gets dangerous. When one person believes they are in a relationship that doesn’t truly exist, or when one person is more invested in an existing relationship than the other, the foundation for obsession has been laid.

So how do we recognize an obsession? There are signs.

·        If all of our time and effort goes in to satisfying the needs of another or in chasing after another person then, we are obsessed.

·        If one person is always trying to please the other person or if the relationship is without consideration and compromise then it could be based on obsessive feelings rather than real love. Real love is nurturing and helps people grow but obsession is debilitating and takes away from the psyche of the person caught up in it.

·        If we feel like we have lost ourselves, if we are always striving to please our partner without them doing the same for us, and if we find ourselves making all our decisions in our life based on the feelings and needs of the other person we are obsessed.

We definitely know it's time to stop brooding over our broken heart when we start to notice that our friends are ditching us , when our parents roll their eyes every time we recall a story about our ex, and the pictures of our ex are getting more dog-eared by the day. However, this grieving process is perfectly natural, and everyone has their own way of getting over a broken heart.

My way is by following the 6 stages I mention below. 

·        We realize that our relationship is rocky, roller coaster ride from hell, etc. We have come to realize that things aren't working out between us.  So, now we know we cannot just pick up the phone and call them. What happen if we miss them? What if they DON'T miss us? Just because we miss them it doesn't mean it'll be great when we see them again. Just keep reminding yourself why you broke up in the first place and DON'T CALL THEM

·        The ACTUAL Realization - Okay, so you had the biggest fight ever and vow never to see him/her again.!

·        Our life would be different and it is not going to be easy. We remember every little thing about them – for the most part we only remember the good part (or instead of reality we only recall our fantasy life with them.) This is a crucial stage – for every good thing we remember we also need to remember the bad parts.

·        The Rage - That bitch/bastard!  Bitterness is the ugliest step.  We list all their annoying traits that we once thought were cute.  We get out of bed, dress to impress, we feel good. At this step we can actually say and believe when we say, "if they don't want me that is their loss, not mine." We have reached an understanding with ourselves – we can keep ourselves busy and we don't feel sorry for ourselves anymore. We know who we are and what we worth.

·        The Crush - Over time you'll begin to realize that your ex isn't the only one in the world. Wow! There are some damn fine peeps in this city.Once we open up ourselves, other people will want to get to know us. Getting out and about we would expedite the recovery process.

·        We haven't thought about our ex in days and BAM, there they are strolling down the street with someone else, AND our stomach doesn't lurch as if there's a gerbil on steroids lodged in our intestines, our face doesn't even turn bright red. When we say hi , our ex looks more uncomfortable than us. Freedom!!!

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If someone doesn't love us anymore or we don't love them, there is no point in staying together even if it hurts to break up. Over time the pain will heal and we'll be ready to let others in and share our wonderful self with them. If they break our heart – we mourn, we heal, we look up and we move on. And look over there….the person we have been looking for is standing in line waiting for us. Now smile and wave