First Impression: Contrary to the popular belief, it is not always the right one.

The moment we see a strangers, our brain makes a thousand computations: Are they someone to approach or to avoid? Are they friend or foe? Do they have status and authority? Are they trustworthy, competent, likeable, confident?

And these computations are made at lightning speed. Researchers from NYU found that we make eleven major decisions about one another in the first seven seconds of meeting.

First impressions are crucial. While we can’t stop ourselves from making snap decisions – the human brain is hard-wired in this way as a prehistoric survival mechanism – we can understand how to make those decisions work in favour of other people.

First impressions are more heavily influenced by non-verbal cues than verbal cues. In fact, studies have found that non-verbal cues have over four times the impact on the impression we make than anything we say. However, it does not mean our first impressions are always right. If we suspend our judgement and take a different view, we would be able to see a clearer picture of what a person really looks like.

It’s crucial and helpful to get a different view, looking into their lives and seeing them, really seeing them live life: struggling, failing, succeeding, and managing to get through it all somehow. We might have seen the person who lives down the block as  uncaring, but in fact he is anxiety-ridden and worried about his younger son's cancer diagnosis. Many of us might have write him off as being brusque and cold, but that’s nowhere near the truth. I have encountered the narcissist who admits that he feels empty in spite of his résumé of accomplishments, or the pregnant teen who pretends to look forward to motherhood but confesses that she’s terrified.

Getting a new perspective—simply paying attention—helps us break free from assumptions or stale beliefs about neighbours, friends, colleagues, and even strangers.There’s a freedom that comes from getting an alternate view. The more we really notice other people, the less likely we are to write them off or pigeon-hole them. Getting a new perspective—simply paying attention—helps us break free from assumptions or stale beliefs about others. 

For me, it’s important not to get locked into a mindset, one of judgment or negativity or wilful oblivion. The key to unlocking my mind is the very same key to building good relationships: noticing people, taking my time, imagining how they might feel, making an effort to do no harm, and trying to do good when I can.

If I find myself taking a knee-jerk attitude toward a person or summing someone up based on one or two obvious traits, it’s a sure bet that I'm missing something that I might understand more clearly from a place of greater emotional generosity. I try to remember that I'm always free to take a fresh look.

Let us not make a permanent decision based on our first impression. Let us make the effort to take a graceful look into their hidden and complex lives before we make a lasting decision.