Janus - Endings and Beginnings

“New Beginnings are often disguised as painful endings.”

-Lao Tzu

Life is like Janus. In ancient Roman religion and myth, he was the god of beginnings and transitions, and endings. He is usually depicted as having two faces, since he looks to the future and to the past. Beginnings and endings go hand in hand; we can never have one without the other.

As we approach the end of the year and anticipate a new one, I have been thinking about life's endings and beginnings, large and small, that create opportunities for us to align who think we are with who we are.   

We experience endings and beginnings every day, such as day turning into night; our workday starting and finishing; the changing seasons; and our creation and discarding of new ideas. Much has been written in literature, religious texts, and history about the cyclical nature of life. 

Our endings may be small ones like saying goodbye to a favorite place or thing, or medium-sized ones like a job, career or location change, or large losses, such as ending a significant relationship or the death of a loved one. There are happy endings, such as waving goodbye to the couple leaving for their honeymoon; bittersweet endings, such as a teenager leaving the nest for college; and exhilarating endings, such as a high school or college graduation.

With all endings comes the possibility of new beginnings: of new places, new careers, new ideas and new or enriched relationships. The time between endings and new beginnings can be minutes, hours, days, months or years; it can be a period of uncertainty about what new beginning will follow a particular ending. We often refer to this time as "being in transition." Most of us have experienced major endings as destabilizing as they thrust us into unknown territory. We are shaken, taken by surprise, possibly fearful of what will happen next and initially unable to see options for moving forward.

Yet as much as we hear about endings, (and intellectually know that every ending brings a beginning), when a loss or ending occurs, it can be difficult to see the silver lining, particularly in the moment. We usually need some distance, and time, to work through (or experience and understand) the ending before we can identify what we may have learned, or what we may want to do differently as a result.

Our culture seems to have a hard time talking about endings. We often seem to be in a hurry to show others that we have moved forward by our outward behavior, even if we continue to feel "stuck" (or vulnerable and uncertain) on the inside.

In talking with friends, I have noticed that endings and loss can be times when some people are able to access resources of strength and courage that they did not know they had. They find resiliency and capabilities that surprise even themselves - but they often do not recognize it until the ending or period of loss has passed.

I consistently stand amazed at how people readjust their lives with a clearer focus on what has meaning and value for them. Many are able to find balance and support and even joy in life, during very difficult periods of their lives. They often seem to discover a deeper sense of who they are and what it means to be present in every moment. They evaluate their priorities every day and concentrate on what is important to them. Thus, they are aligning 'who they are with what they do,' and, doing this on a continual (or on an ongoing) basis; shifting their priorities as the circumstances of their life change.

After a period of reflection and healing as part of the transition we are ready to search for a new beginning. We may find our energy returning and with it some excitement as we generate some questions about the future: How do I want my life to be? What do I need to learn? What has meaning for me? How do I want to spend my time? What are my options? How do I want to contribute? What activities do I want to explore? Is there something I want to do that I have not done? What support do I need? As we answer these questions, the new beginning starts to evolve and we are ready to move forward.

We all deal with endings ranging from small to great and hopefully we can use endings to find new beginnings that align who we are with what we do.

Wishing all of you endings that lead to wonderful new beginnings