Anger Is Our Friend, We Just Need To Know How To Deal With It.

Have you ever noticed, when someone goes ballistic, people often say 'she/he was such a nice person?' Did you ever wonder what turns people do crazy things that did not seem to be part of who they are? Even though we might be surprised by the outburst of violence, most of us not-so-innocent by standers understand it completely. We walk meekly about the world hiding our own reservoir of anger, reservoirs that rise a little each time we experience what feels like hidden rage.

We all encounter situations in which we have no power to act constructively on our anger, these are very rare.  If we often experience rage that feels impotent, we are almost certainly failing to comprehend, let alone use, the full extent of our own power. If we have blocked the healthy flow of our anger through our lives, then that rage might have poisoned our happiness, scarring our relationship, and stunting our growth. It is time for us to channel our hidden rage into the healthy course it was meant to take.

One time or another, we all have been in a situation where have learned to dam up our anger because the family or society we live in has ignored our needs and experiences. Mind you, no one is going to meet our needs all the time, not even our attentive family and friends can do that. However, there is a difference between not getting a longed waited pony and being treated coldly or indifferently to our basics hopes and fears. In general, what we need is for others to value us, to hear and discuss our need.

On the other hand, if we grew up or live with indifferent or cruel people, we may have a lifetime supply of stored anger. Worse, we may also have a core belief that expressing or acting on this anger is worse than useless, that it will never lead to positive changes and may well get us punished. We project our childhood helplessness onto situations where anger might be just the ticket.

Anger is part of life; the problem is how we express it. If we hold on to anger because we are afraid of how others would respond to it, then we would end up with a pent up anger.  To hold a pent up anger inside of us is like holding on to a time bomb – it would explode unexpectedly. The best thing to do when we have so much anger inside of us is to find it an outlet. , I often prefer writing about my anger. Speaking or writing, I start by describing the situation that upset me in whatever vague terms come to mind. As the words emerge, my feelings become more focused, the reason for my anger more clear. I know it is not as simple at that because for those of us who tend to repress anger, the proximate cause often tops the hidden rage pool that has been accumulating since childhood.  So, we need to keep writing, talking, until the anger is fully voiced.

Anger is always a response to perceived injustice, which may dissolve with deeper understanding. Whatever the reason is for our anger, we have different option to deal with it.

We can express our anger and give it voice. This will be difficult and it involves a lot of work, but once we do it, we will feel better. In this case, not only we have to pinpoint the problem but we need to come up with a positive solution that would satisfy our sense of fairness.

We can stay in the situation complying silently or cooperating without complaining, thinking it is virtuous. (If we do this we will be doomed.)  It will wither or sour our emotional connection to others, in the name of keeping the peace

If we are in severely dysfunctional systems, leaving is the best option. However, it would be difficult to someone of us to leave this kind of relationship (toxic relationships and other horrific situations) because we are used to them, because that is our norm.  In this case, anger is our good friend that urges us to leave these situations, that won't let us feel comfortable enduring mistreatment. We should not wait until we are half-dead, physically or emotionally. When we see the sign that says exit, we should head for it. Leaving might mean physically leaving a person or a situation; it also means detaching at a deep emotional level by acknowledging that we are on a different wavelength. Sometimes there is a reason why we cannot just get up and leave (health, finance, etc.) but we can distance ourselves from the problem while preparing for our departure.

It doesn't take world revolution to rid of our rage; even small steps toward distant goals can free our heart from anger. For example, I occasionally get angry about the way society devalues and marginalizes homeless people. Writing and speaking about this issue is enough to eliminate my anger, even though the changes I effect are tiny compared to the extent of the problem. I've also staged sit-downs in medical offices, and public facilities, sitting with the homeless until someone is willing to give them the consideration any person deserves. As long as I continue to act by taking some action to create change, my discontent is a rare event, not a chronic condition.

A sense of hidden rage should not be part of our daily experience. If it is, we should listen more attentively to the voice of our friend anger. It is waiting for us to act on it intelligently and courageously, so that it can show us how powerful you really are