Once anesthetized by the truth, there is no going back.

***RepostOnce anesthetized by the truth, there is no going back.

All relationship comes to an end whether we want it or not, whether we are prepared or not and when it happens it is painful. And the person who is left behind has to find a way to deal with it.

The best way to deal with it is to accept that it is over and this time for good.  It is not going to be easy. We need to go through four stages before we get to the proverbial ‘there; anger, denial, compromise, and acceptance. We don’t necessarily go through them the same way; there is no 'one fits all' solution to it.

Here, I am going to share with you about my personal journey, my brokenhearted, disillusioned, depressed, and debilitated self. At first, the pain was numbing, startling, and piercing that cannot be ignored. Because up until this point I figured that I could make the relationship work, had convinced myself that he would change, that things would miraculously be different, that he was ‘the one,’ this is it, the love of my life. After all, don't they say that love conquers it all:  even lies, neglect, abuse, abandonment, fear of commitment, substance abuse, indifference, infidelity, and unaccountability? So, how bad can ours be?

Then comes the turbulent times of struggle, the doubts, the questions, the suspicious and the insecurities, the 'I should have and would have,' the anger at myself and at him, for trusting him, for loving a man who didn’t want my love, for being blind, and most of all, for not seeing it coming. If love was an exam, I would have flanked out.

After going through all that,  I reached the point of no return.  I know, no amount of crying, begging, talking, drinking, lying or praying will make it work.  I am no longer in denial or in a limbo. I have been anesthetized by the truth; tears are not fast and erratic, they are hot, heavy and slow. I felt each individual crystal tear drop it formed in my heart, moved past my chest, then traveled up inside the back of my throat until it reached the inside corner of my eyes, where it shiver away for a moment before it fell full and hot down my cheeks.

I don't know about you but me, I believe in the healing power of tears. There is nothing in the world which cleanses my #heart and soul like a good #cry. Once I am done crying, I would be able to see the light at the end of the dark tunnel. This is the place where I start to count my #blessing. This is the place I thank the person for# teaching me the #pleasure of# love and the# pain of #losing. This is the place where I see how this person has helped me to mature, where he helped me to grow up and leave my childish fantasy that learning to love another and accept the love of another is ever easy.

This is also the place where I learned to have faith; faith that when one is around a mate, one should feel invigorated and energized, not drained and continually #misunderstood, #faith that I deserve better, faith that there is better, faith that the next time I will choose better, This is the place where we have to let go of what is not mine and to look forward, to see what is coming on my way. Looking back is not going to give me any gift/pleasure than it did when I was there, if there is going to be anything worth having, it is in the future.