I did not know how to get His attention.

Earlier today, I went to Church and sat on the edge of the bench which is closest to the altar. I don't remember how long I had been there before I started crying.  I cried so hard, I could not speak or even catch my breath. My sobbing reached such feverish complaint that startled me. I cried until my eyes were hurting, until my nose was red and my ears were hot. I cried while my head was hurting so bad. 

I was tired of being a good girl and I was tired of being ignored. I cried for all the days that I was too scared, too tired, too busy, or too mad to cry. I cried because I hurt.  I cried because I hurt others. I cried because sometimes it is hard for me to accept God’s Grace and unconditional love. I cried for all the time and all the ways that I have dishonored, and disrespect myself and others. I cried because it is time to open the wounds and release the pain. I could not remember ever making that much noise. It was not my style to throw #temper tantrums or make scenes. I usually cry behind closed doors or under the cover in my bed. But, today, I cried out loud in God's house so I can get His attention. I ask all Heavenly bodies to intercede for me. I want God to come to my rescue.  

 My screeching caught me off guard, surprised me and woke me up.  At least for today, I have accepted God's #forgiveness and #love. I was suddenly #awake and alert. I become tuned in to the voice of God within. Deep within my soul and there was not a ripple of #disturbance. It was as if I have become an impartial observer. A witness to my own suffering. I was able to watch my tears and sorrow yet no longer was I troubled by them. I thought it odd. Perhaps, I had gone mad, but it was such a relief I laughed. And it was not a polite proper Sunday-school-girl laugh but a belly laugh that shook me to the core. That is when I knew that I have gotten God's attention. He allowed me to see the humor. Thank You #God for your unconditional love.

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