Virtual Relationship: Are we losing the true meaning of relationship or are we redefining It?

For me, the allure of the on-line relationship is that it's instant. I have learned over a period of time that the process of an online relationship is different from real-time dating processes. I found it daunting. I felt as though, I was dropped in a country where I didn't know the language or the culture. Learning online communication was not as easy as I thought. The rules are different than face to face communication. There are protocols to follow. For example, in the chat room, emotions such as :(, LOL, asl, etc. are used constantly to express emotions, Sarcasm must be spelled out, to avoid accidentally offending others. In the absence of body language, the tone of voice and intonation, the typed word is the only way to get your message across. I was not aware of the challenges and I get to learn them by watching others and by trails and errors.

Online relationships can be exciting as well as frightening.  I was mesmerized by the anonymity of it. I can see why it is seductive as well as addictive. A person can be anyone she/he wishes to be, chat to people otherwise she wouldn't have approached and she can express her fantasies without fear of judgment.  I think one of the reasons is that the person doesn’t have the physical image of the other person to distract her/him from getting to know them. We communicate much more openly and with more truth. This helps us to establish trust between one another quickly and easily. I believe that is because we don't see this person on a day-to-day basis or interact with them in a professional or personal environment. Therefore, we open up to them and share parts of our lives we wouldn't ordinarily share that soon, in a one-on-one relationship.

The strange mixture of physical distance and emotional closeness of online affairs is what makes them so intense. Online affairs are safe. There's no danger of pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease. It is readily accessible, it is moves quickly, and under the cloak of anonymity, it makes it easy for us to reveal a great deal about ourselves. It seems the online relationship helps us to remove the mask and stand naked with our feelings and emotions. It is easy for us to paint the whole experience with intense and seductive colors. And, that freed us from the limits imposed by our bodies and surroundings. Also, we can get a tremendous support that helps us deal with real life problems or challenges that we don't feel safe in sharing with any other friends.

While cyber relationships can be more sincere and open than offline relationships in some ways, they also leave a great deal of room for deception. One of the problems with Cyber relationships is that we can use it as an escape. The Internet can become a fantastic and unreal world. Online, we are who we say we are, if only for a few hours. This escape from reality, however, makes online dating more difficult.  Another problem is, it encourages us totransference. On the Internet, interaction is limited to typed words. Tone, emotion, voice, appearance, and inferences are all imagined to help construct understanding. Very often, the image of the perfect mate is projected and transferred. What appears to be the perfect soul mate is actually an illusion. To some degree, transference during online interaction cannot be avoided. After all, we are conditioned to rely on all our senses to interpret situations. When some of the input is missing, our mind fills in the blank. The key, however, is to recognize this occurs.

In cyber relationships, we jump from attraction to intimacy, forfeiting anything in between. In order for any relationship to grow, it needs a solid foundation and we cannot have a solid foundation if we don't take the time to get to know the person. However, the fear of loss prevents us from slowing down. We feel if weslow the pace, we would lose the magic of the relationship. The truth is, this kind of relationships often end suddenly when one partner realizes disappointment.

As alluring as they are, cyber relationships should be considered incomplete relationships to avoid disappointment. Therefore, the person should wait until she/he meets and gets to know the prospective person face to face before she/he makes her/his mind up about him. The truth is, it is hard to know someone intimately, even in face to face situation. But, it is close to impossible to experience the entirety of another individual through a screen and keyboard.

There is no doubt that the internet has enabled us to connect and communicate like never before, but I would argue that connection alone does not make a relationship. The internet allows me to findthe personal connection with like-minded people that I would not have found nearby. I have not met all of my virtual friends in person, yet what I get from these relationships is important and real to me. 

For all the in-depth conversations with like-minded folks in chat rooms, for all the instant messages that last too late into the night or start early in the morning, for all the personal e-mail exchanges with virtual friends, are we losing the true meaning of “relationship" or are we redefining it?  Not everyone believes that virtual relationships have the same value as those that can be maintained through face-to-face contact. There is no right or wrong answer to this. My cyber friendships may be different from my in-real-life ones, but I think they are equally as valid.