When I was younger, I was a firm believer of divorce. I would say to whoever take the time to hear that if you are unhappy in a marriage, leave. There was even a time when I consider people who stayed in a difficult marriage as fools, but no more. I am not sure when my belief about divorce changed, but a few years back a friend was going through a hard time in her marriage and came to me for advice and my advice to her was to fight for her marriage. She was contemplating divorce and I advised not to go there. I did not want her to see divorce as one of her choice.
First of all, marriage is not for everyone. Period. Some of us mistakenly believe that #marriage is for us and once we are in it, we treat it like child play. If we are not going to commit ourselves to the sanctuary of marriage and if we consider divorce as an alternative choice, then it is not for us. We might save ourselves and our partner time, money and frustration.
If we cannot agree that we will never allow #divorce to enter our marriage in any form or fashion, then marriage is not for us. If we think pre-nuptials are a good idea, then we should not get married. If we have any kind of “escape clause” or plans, then we should not get married. I think part of the reason why one half of marriages end in divorce is because of this reasons - because divorce was an option.
Don’t allow divorce in our marriage in any form, I mean don’t discuss it, don’t joke about it, don’t use it as leverage to get what we want, and definitely don’t plan for it. .
If we are looking for an easy life or we want to share our expenses with someone else, then we should get a room-mate, not husband or wife. Marriage is not for us. Unlike the popular belief, being married does not mean happily ever afters - like any fairy tale, we have to cross the bridge, slay the dragon before we get to our happily ever afters.
Marriage is all about #commitment…if we or our partner has one foot in to the marriage and the other outside(not committed totally) then it is not going to work. Both partners have to be in it completely. When we say "no, never, not under any circumstances will divorce come into play" we shows our commitment. It shows that we are not afraid of what might come our way, we know together we will fight and win.
I see some people treating their marriage like a high school romance. One person does something or fail to do something, the other gets mad, and they go their separate ways. Even high school romance can be difficult to pick up the pieces and bounce back from. But marriages that end in divorce are not so cut and dry. It affects every part of our lives - from kids to finances to a bond that's closer than any other bond we have had that's suddenly gone. There is a saying 'when you get married the two souls would become one. Divorce doesn't mean we become separate just as easily. Parts of us which is broken would remain with both of us.
This is my personal peeves - pre-nups. If we cannot trust the person we profess to love, then we need to ask what is the foundation of our marriage. If we start our marriage(our foundation) on mistrust (faulty/ cracked foundation,) how do we expect it to last - any turbulence would destroy it. If we are Saying "I have to make sure mine are protected with a pre-nup" or something similar is a sign that we are more focused on our own needs and we are not ready to move from 'I' to 'We.'. Marriage is one of life's ultimate sacrificial relationships, along with parenting
When we don't have certain choices, we come up with different solutions.When our back is against the wall, we would do whatever it takes to make it work. Our marriage will function the same when you do so say 'no' to idea of divorce. This at least would stop us from taking the simplest exit. We will be forced to find solutions … not problems
As the saying goes 'if you are not part of the solution, then you are part of the problem.' We are not perfect. Both of us have a choice, the goal is to make the right choice for both parties. Focusing on the problem and trying to come up with solution together is imperative. If we have a no-divorce mindset, we would find silver-lining of our marriage. If we cannot find it, then we will create one. Just remember ...Nobody benefits from divorce
I don't know who would want to get married so they can get a divorce. Most of us get into it believing that is the person we are going to spend the rest of our lives with. However, if we find ourselves thinking, entertaining, talking about divorce before we say 'I do,' it is a sign that we should not get married. Maybe we are not ready to share our lives with others or with this particular person. It is better for us to stay single until we get to that place.
First of all, marriage is not for everyone. Period. Some of us mistakenly believe that #marriage is for us and once we are in it, we treat it like child play. If we are not going to commit ourselves to the sanctuary of marriage and if we consider divorce as an alternative choice, then it is not for us. We might save ourselves and our partner time, money and frustration.
If we cannot agree that we will never allow #divorce to enter our marriage in any form or fashion, then marriage is not for us. If we think pre-nuptials are a good idea, then we should not get married. If we have any kind of “escape clause” or plans, then we should not get married. I think part of the reason why one half of marriages end in divorce is because of this reasons - because divorce was an option.
Don’t allow divorce in our marriage in any form, I mean don’t discuss it, don’t joke about it, don’t use it as leverage to get what we want, and definitely don’t plan for it. .
If we are looking for an easy life or we want to share our expenses with someone else, then we should get a room-mate, not husband or wife. Marriage is not for us. Unlike the popular belief, being married does not mean happily ever afters - like any fairy tale, we have to cross the bridge, slay the dragon before we get to our happily ever afters.
Marriage is all about #commitment…if we or our partner has one foot in to the marriage and the other outside(not committed totally) then it is not going to work. Both partners have to be in it completely. When we say "no, never, not under any circumstances will divorce come into play" we shows our commitment. It shows that we are not afraid of what might come our way, we know together we will fight and win.
I see some people treating their marriage like a high school romance. One person does something or fail to do something, the other gets mad, and they go their separate ways. Even high school romance can be difficult to pick up the pieces and bounce back from. But marriages that end in divorce are not so cut and dry. It affects every part of our lives - from kids to finances to a bond that's closer than any other bond we have had that's suddenly gone. There is a saying 'when you get married the two souls would become one. Divorce doesn't mean we become separate just as easily. Parts of us which is broken would remain with both of us.
This is my personal peeves - pre-nups. If we cannot trust the person we profess to love, then we need to ask what is the foundation of our marriage. If we start our marriage(our foundation) on mistrust (faulty/ cracked foundation,) how do we expect it to last - any turbulence would destroy it. If we are Saying "I have to make sure mine are protected with a pre-nup" or something similar is a sign that we are more focused on our own needs and we are not ready to move from 'I' to 'We.'. Marriage is one of life's ultimate sacrificial relationships, along with parenting
When we don't have certain choices, we come up with different solutions.When our back is against the wall, we would do whatever it takes to make it work. Our marriage will function the same when you do so say 'no' to idea of divorce. This at least would stop us from taking the simplest exit. We will be forced to find solutions … not problems
As the saying goes 'if you are not part of the solution, then you are part of the problem.' We are not perfect. Both of us have a choice, the goal is to make the right choice for both parties. Focusing on the problem and trying to come up with solution together is imperative. If we have a no-divorce mindset, we would find silver-lining of our marriage. If we cannot find it, then we will create one. Just remember ...Nobody benefits from divorce
I don't know who would want to get married so they can get a divorce. Most of us get into it believing that is the person we are going to spend the rest of our lives with. However, if we find ourselves thinking, entertaining, talking about divorce before we say 'I do,' it is a sign that we should not get married. Maybe we are not ready to share our lives with others or with this particular person. It is better for us to stay single until we get to that place.
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